her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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