Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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