just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
