It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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