do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
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