Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
