I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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