My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
