i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
