Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
