Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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