her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
