The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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