Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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