Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
this will be a night to untag.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
