I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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