Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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