So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
