Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
