The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
