Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
