Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
