My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Randomize
