He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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