Don't you send me to vm
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
