Soap is not a condiment
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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