Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
