So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
