Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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