By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
