yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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