I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
