A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
