I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
