Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
