i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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