i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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