So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
