Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
