We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize