i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
