Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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