listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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