Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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