so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
