I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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