we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
