oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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