He asked to "fluff my boner.."
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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