A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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