So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
