Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
