Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
