so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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