things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
