sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize