everyone is single if you try hard enough
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
