go do what you do best...puke behind churches
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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