look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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