Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
