dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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