Buhtt sex?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize