In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
