The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
