Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Also, beer. Big fan.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
