the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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