My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
